Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Parent is a Verb!

So, parenting.


You can give care to a child without giving birth. Plenty of adoptive parents do a phenomenal job. You can give birth to a child without giving care. Plenty of women make the decision to gift their baby to someone who can't have her own.


But please, don't assume that just because you managed to squeeze a wriggling, slippery bowling ball from your Va-jay jay, you automatically become worthy of the term 'parent'.


Parent is a Verb. Which means it takes action.


It does not mean having the latest OMG NO HE DID'INT! scream fest with your BFF on your brand-spanking new iPhone in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office while your child is dripping germy snot all over the chairs as he tries desperately to get a bit of a hug from Mommy because he feels like walking crud with a fever of at least 102' and you can't be bothered. If you can't be bothered to care for your child, you should not have one.


It does not mean you can leave your child strapped into their car seat in 95' weather, with the windows cracked (barely) and the car running (but no a/c) while you "just run in quick" to the 7-11 for a pack of Marlboros and a bag of Doritos. Nor does it mean Girls night out twice a week. If you can't be bothered to care for your child, you should not have one.


Now, If you believe I'm stereotyping, I offer one more: It does not mean that you can foist off your child to a nanny for 20 hours a day while you get your hair and nails done, go shopping for hours for a to-die-for dress that will guarantee your best friend will absolutely turn GREEN over, and then deign to make your appearance at the Parent-Teacher conference as if you actually know what your child's interests are. Say it with me, now: If you can't be bothered to care for your child, you should not have one.


Children have an infinite ability to give love. They have an infinite capacity to receive love. Loving them does not mean neglecting them. It does not mean making them the center of the Universe. It means making them listen. Making them obey. Giving them boundaries and instructions and expectations TO obey. It means being there.


It means Doing Something. Parent is a Verb.