Spring Cleaning, Life Reflections

The past two days have been nothing short of perfect, weather wise. High 70's, lots of sunshine and blue skies all around. Seriously starting to feel like spring has indeed sprung. So in honor of the season and the opportunities it brings for personal renewal and fresh starts. I am going to not only be doing spring cleaning of my home, but also my life. Let's face it sometimes in life you find treasures and other times it is nothing more than trash. At the same time once we rid ourselves of the garbage, more treasures are brought into view. On a personal level I would like to purge all the toxins from my existence. That goes for my own inner emotions that i need to over come to be a better person. This process may seem a little overwhelming at first, due to the fact of when reflecting on ones life you may never know what you will discover. 

Personal human trash is much worse than physical trash, they will fester, rot, decay, and pollute everything around them with negative energy. The sooner you discover who these types of people are the easier it is to mend the pollution in your life they have caused and move forward towards happier memories, hopeful dreams and joyful intentions.

Honestly, Negativity is a cancer that appears in many form. Ridicule, condescension, intimidation, and self doubt are just a few ways it appears. Some of this my come in the form of internal self doubt, but most of this is caused by other people. Most of us are mature enough to avoid such malignant influences into our lives. Example of this is a person that insists on informing you anytime someone speaks badly of you. While these people are not directly attacking you, they are trying to quietly chip away at your self-esteem and mood. Thus, they should be removed immediately.

Praise or Blame: Truth in Stereotypes

For starters this is something we as human beings have been doing since the dawn of time. Placing people in to neat little pockets of groups in hopes of better understanding them or not wanting to understand them. For example you are placed into a group for what class you are based on your economic standing. Same goes for religion based off of your faith or lack there of. As with everything the eyes of the beholder will judge all people. Example if someone is on welfare, most not all people just deem them as being to lazy to get a job. But in all honesty unless you live in their shoes you have no real idea what brought them to this place to begin with. The biggest one out of all of them is gender based groups. The automatic roles that are suppose to be played out for whether you are born with a penis or a vagina. Just because I am a woman, does not mean I am here to serve men, cook, clean, sew, etc. My point with this is it is within all people to assume roles or status based on the way we were taught to think. 

Now I come to the point on why I began this blog to being with. It has recently been brought to my attention that their is still an epic battle of North vs. South going on here within the US. Seriously that war ended in 1865 from what I thought until recently. Can't people just be people?  I know that is asking way to much. We are all the same country just different cultures.

If your are from a southern state, this is something to be proud of. However, to announce oneself as a confederate or fly a rebel flag is insulting to not only yourself but to anyone with common decency. The war was base off of simple human rights as to whether or not we are allowed to own slaves. How the freak anyone can have pride in taken away the rights of another human is baffling to me to say the least. This is not at all worthy of praise. I do not call people those southerners, so why is the term damn yankee's so freely used? Do people realize this is a derogatory word that was used during the civil war to bash people that were for the Union? The instance you lower yourself to call people Yankees is the instant you become the enemy and should then be equally meet with the term stupid southerns, because in all honesty that shows a level of complete arrogance.

Why is that because history lessons will teach anyone that Damn Yankee's was a derogatory reference for Northerners. It is only said by those people in the south to insult others.

If you do not want to be looked at as stupid and or dumb, please to not stick yourself in that category.

Sorry but this southern pride stuff is a convoluted idea that depicts the glory days of the Antebellum south. It should not be honored in anyway. Instead it should be despised for its racism and morally off base culture that is was during that time.

Fragments of my Life

Born in 1975, I don't recall most of my childhood. But this is a reflection of what I do have a recollection of. My family was never one of money, most of my clothes were bought through the years  from K-mart or flea markets. There is only one vacation I can ever remember taken. That was a camping trip to KOA campground in PA along with going to Bushkill Falls, Before heading over to my grandparents home on my mothers side in Lake Ariel, PA,  which we visited every year. Granted we did have yearly dysfunctional family get together picnics at a place called Allaire State Park, went to the beach or Six Flags every once in awhile but never did anything extremely memorable. 

My mother as far as I am concerned was wonder woman. Doing absolutely everything around the home that needed to be complete. She kept our house so spotless you could of eaten off the floors. Taken complete care of me and in later years my brother as well. She worked a part time midnight shift job to attempt to make ends meet. Yet she always still found a way to make homemade breads, canned jelly's and a home cooked meal on the table every night for us when my father got home from work.

My father was a hard worker I will give him that, but he was the eternal dark storm cloud hovering above everyone to remind them that they could not ever become what they want in life.  Now granted he would have the occasional tea party with me or sit and watch a movie making ice cream sundaes.  He was also the source of childhood torture. For example telling me that there was a creep living under the bed and if I was to step a foot out of it before the proper time. That the creep would get me and pull me under. Another example of this is watching Poltergeist with him at the grand age of  7 having him go out and buy the clown and place it in my room.  Very humorous huh? He pulled stuff like this meanwhile was a very must go to church every Sunday type man. Was the deacon of the church at the time and taken course for his Ministry license or whatever it was.

The rest of my family outside my household was extreme dysfunctional to say the least with the exception of my Uncle and 2 cousins. I had an alcoholic Grandfather that would go out to get bread for my grandma and not return until two weeks after, cause he went on a drunken exploration who knows where. But when he return it was always with the item he was sent out to get. My Aunt was a diagnosed Psycho-schizophrenia and was hospitalized for it for a time. Later herself and husband died due to being hit by a drunk driver. Leaving behind a handful of children to then be raised by my grandpa and grandma on my father's side. 

Not a single person in my family had emotions based on reactions to things, outside of anger and displeasure. Well I will exclude my mother form this as well. 

My father was a public image manager that excepted me to dress and act like a princess at all times. When I tried being myself. I was automatically taking a turn for the worse.

My grandma on mom's side always made sure to point out that I was not the ideal child that my mother was at my age, whatever age that was at the time. And always felt the need to comment on my weight if I gained any.

I somehow became the black sheep, the one blamed for most family issues, despite the fact that I was probably the most emotional stable out of the lot. Not sure I can say that I am 100% emotionally in tact at this time. Their is a lot of stuff that affects me still till this day. In may ways I am hoping getting this all off my chest in written form helps to some degree. Trust me I developed a auto-destructive sex life at a very young age, grew up way to fast, have struggled with issues with poor self image, often feeling anger, anxious, and depressed.  I will be writing more blogs regarding the different stages of my life inter mixed with my day to day experiences as a now as an adult and mother myself with sometimes weird outlooks or opinions.

Break Over

It seems like I took a long break from blogging. Looks like today I am going to revamp this blog and get it going again. It has been way to long since I have written. I got lost in real life and then in my free time video game land took over. So with that said let me continue lol